Build a crappy hotel in the middle of South Carolina and direct your marketing to middle aged golf fanatics and you will become filthy rich! I just survived one of these "you have to experience" trips.

The hotel was in a pretty decent size town called Florence, SC but it wasn't even worthy of being called a no-tell motel. The decor was described by one of the guys on the trip as early American Salvation Army. The pool was nice if you wanted to swim with the leaches (no-extra charge). The experience was strangely familiar to dorm living. Grown men, strangers to each other, all hanging out in their rooms with the doors wide open drinking beers. Mornings were the best; you could see 50 and 60 year old men running around outside in their tightie-whities getting their first smoke of the day in (come on guys, put on some clothes already). The hotel's population consisted of about 90% golfers, 5-7% construction workers and 3-5% unknown. I think that I did actually see one woman that looked like she was staying in the hotel the entire week I had the pleasure of staying in this 5 star establishment. She either liked looking at middle aged men in their underwear or she was a hooker.

With our paid stay in the fine Thunderbird Motor Inn, we received a free southern style breakfast and dinner in their fine establishment. If anyone knows anyone that works for the South Carolina Health Department, tip them off to this place. I have never seen anything so nasty called a restaurant in my life. Both meals were buffet style and breakfast was what you would expect: scrabble eggs, bacon, three different types of sausage, biscuits and gravy, grits, pancakes, french toast, cottage cheese, fruits, cereal and fresh hot pork skin strips (they may call them pork rinds). The food at breakfast was semi-edible if the surroundings weren't so damn dirty. If you tried really hard and closed your eyes, the food was decent a breakfast. Dinner was served in the same manner. If you loved fried chicken, this was the place for you. The day we arrive, there was fried chicken, baked chicken, chicken wings in some gravy looking stuff and shredded chicken stuff. Also on the menu daily was beef stew meat tips in gravy with rice, either mashed potatoes or mac and cheese, sausages (hold overs from breakfast), collard greens, green beans, cold baked potatoes, salad bar, ice cream, pies, cakes, a daily mystery meat and you guessed it more of those hot pork skin things. By the third night, I had to try the pig skin things and I am here to tell you that they were absolutely the nasiest things I have ever tried. Needless to say, we skipped the free dinner the last three nights.

The funny part about this hotel is that anyone that you talked to complained about the rooms and the food but everyone seemed to be coming to the same hotel for several years. There was one group from the Cleveland area that had been making the annual trip for 12 years and another from Pittsburgh that had been making the trip for 15 years. No one had anything good to say about anything having to do with the hotel.

The one bright spot about the Thunderbird was that it had a bar/club/restaurant attached to it. When you stepped into the club, it was like you were stepping into a different world as far as the decor was concerned. The place was clean and the food was really good. The club did provide some much needed comic relief.

We arrived Saturday morning after driving 10 hours through the night, we arrived at a pretty decent golf course and played until dark (36 holes). We checked into the hotel, ate at the chicken buffet and then stopped for a drink at the club. The club was packed with a crowd that was a little older (average age was probably 45). There was a band that was getting prepared to start performing for the night and a karaoke machine was providing entertainment while the band got set up. Karaoke John entertained us with classic country love songs dedicated to his honey. Karaoke John was your typical I can't sing but I think I can. He belted out those country tunes with his best twang and his girl was so very proud of him. He must have sung 4 songs until someone finally kicked him off stage.

The night we ate at the club, there was a sports talk radio show being broadcast from the bar. A few of the local cheerleaders from the indoor football team were in attendance promoting the new team. Then walks in Karaoke John by himself with two sets of nunchucks for our comic entertainment. John then dazzled the cheerleaders with his martial arts skills in an attempt to pick one of them up. Needless to say, John provided a lot of entertainment for a lot of people last week.

There are a few interesting liquor laws in South Carolina (at least interesting to me). All liquor must be poured from those tiny bottles that I have seen only on airlines and in hotel mini bars (no mini bars on this stay). If you want a weaker drink or a drink that doesn't use a full mini bottle, they have to throw the remaining booze away. Also, there is absolutely no alcohol sold at all on Sunday unless you are on a golf course it seems. The best of all alcohol laws is that you can bring your own on to a golf course. In Ohio, you get kicked off a golf course if you get caught bringing your own. In South Carolina, they allow you to bring your own cooler filled with beer and don't say a word...saves tons of cash.

Needless to say, we golfed 238 holes and drank (4 guys) a collective 240 cans of beer in 6 days. I don't think we would have drank so much beer but it was the only way you could handle staying in that hotel.

Overall, the golf courses were in pretty good shape for this time of year and the weather was warm and dry as well. Some of the courses will be really nice when the grass in the rough actually turns green but for the most part I was very pleased with the golf. And the beer was outstanding!!!!

It was really nice sleeping in my own bed on Friday night..........